Friday, June 27, 2008

It Has Been a While

It has been a while since I last posted. UPDATE! Right now I'm in New York waiting/searching for a job to make as much money as I can because come August I'M GOING BACK TO JAPAN!! I've decided to teach English in Japan for the next nine months of my life. This decision and decision process was a very difficult one for me to make (as some may know).

Overall I think this decision to go back will bring me the most happiness. I feel that if I denied the job offer and basically another chance to go back to Japan I would of deeply and greatly regretted it. I know once I decide to come back to America (assuming I want to after my nine months there) I will have to start looking for a job again, but right now the job market sucks and I don't see myself enjoying any job I could get here. I feel teaching (especially kids) is more suitable to my personality. Being cooped up all summer in a cubicle just isn't my style. If I can go to a place completely alone, get a fresh start and meet new people in a foreign country and just enjoy life what would stop me from doing the same in America or for that matter anywhere? This trip will significantly boost my confidence to take on the world.

America can be a good place too. There certainly are great areas, and great communities. I feel in Japan I will get the sense of community I really want in America. Being respected and contributing person in a community is something I feel is very important and we have somewhat lost in some communities in America.

Japan is a wonderful place and even though my experience in Sano (the city I will be living) will be entirely different than my previous experience in Tokyo, I can almost guarantee I will have some of the best memories and times of my life.

This will be the first time I will be on my own for both my birthday, Christmas and New Years, but I think by December I'll have some really good friends, and a great community in Japan that will be happy to have me as company in their homes.

On a side note I figure if I plan on learning more Japanese I'd say Japan is a good place to start.

In other news for some strange reason I keep thinking about this: To me it's weird that after great moments or turning points in our lives have past the only somewhat tangible things we have are our memories. (That can be somewhat depressing but it depends on how you look at it).
I've been listening to this song called Yellow Moon by Akeboshi. I like it, and in Japanese I suppose it makes sense but the English translation comes out as follows


Kinou wa call sign,
Zenbu, keitai de
Norenai fuzz guitar
Hen na kouen de

Muchuu de motor bike,
Kaze wo oikoshite
Mikazuki wa hisuterii,
Boku no ue de
Chikyuu wa goorurain,
Inu mo raion mo
Kasei ni moving on.
Nanka mendou de


All day yesterday
My cellphone’s call signal kept going off
An out-of-tune fuzz guitar
In a strange park

On my motorbike, oblivious
Overtaking the wind
The crescent moon is history
Above me
The earth is my goal line
The dogs and the lions
Are all moving on to Venus
It’s kind of annoying

I need to practice my Japanese so I don't accidentally say some of these lyrics ahhaha. So for now じゃ、また。

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Soul Searching

After graduating, I need to figure out what I want to do with my life. Some serious soul searching needs to be done. My best option is to just send a million applications out and see what bites. I have so many options its unfortunately paralyzing. The problem is that theres this phenomenon where when faced with many options or possible decisions I sometimes end up choosing one of the worst ones. I can't remember exactly where I read it but it is a common phenomenon.

For the first time in my life I lack any real direction. Sometimes I wish someone would just tell me go do this, and I could go do it. Right now my life is completely in my own hands and it just feels weird to not be tied down anywhere. Its like opening a door and on the other side there's 50 tunnels leading down different paths, some of which have a beacon of light at the end but the end is so far off I can't tell which do and which don't. The problem is some tunnels may collapse and others may lead to happiness, but I have no idea where each will take me.

My options really lie in just where I want to live. Sometimes I feel like a fresh start would be perfect and other times I realize how important being near friends and family really is. They've all been there for me whenever I've needed, and I really appreciate everything everyone has done for me. I would never have made it this far in life if it wasn't for them. Unfortunately I've never been anywhere completely and utterly alone, even when I studied abroad in Japan I was with friends. On the other hand I've moved all over the place throughout my life and was fine making new friends. Having moved around so much as a kid a part of me just wants to move one place and live there. A sense of community and belonging is important.

Over all of this uncertainty there is one thing I do know, the most important thing to me is happiness.